To the Young Woman on the Far Right and Far Left

Pluto is in Capricorn – change in government can go either way – up or down – backwards or forwards. It is up to us to keep progress in motion.

We now have a major party nominee for President of the United States who is a female but this isn’t about one election. It is about the progress and history that has led to this moment. It is a history that I fear you are forgetting and a progress you are failing to push forward. This is a fight spanning from Mary Wollensteincraft and Abigail Adams to we loud- mouthed baby boomers. This fight encompasses but goes beyond the Suffragettes who were jailed, beaten, force fed and even killed to give you the right to cast your vote this year.

To my sisters on the far right, I see so many of you willingly throwing away the fruits of that struggle to authoritarian, male dominated religions (not just Christian sects). They tell you to be pure and turn control over your body to your husband. They tell you to be submissive to men and hide your bodies. I can understand weak, frightened men trying to sell this claptrap – I do not understand young women buying into it.

To those on the far left, you see slights in buildings with inappropriate names but you seem blinded to legislation that chips away at your reproductive rights or that which closes domestic shelters. Woman still make less money than do men for equal work, and corporate day care is a disgrace. Where are those protests?

Let me tell you how it was in the “olden days.” I am not talking about Victorian times when women couldn’t vote, would lose their children if they divorced an abusive husband and couldn’t inherit money and property. This is about life in America for women until the 1970 – 80’s.

-There were no domestic violence shelters – because the term domestic violence didn’t exist. If you married a man who beat you – that was your problem. Cops didn’t respond to “family squabbles.” Wives usually relied on their husbands for money and unless you had very receptive and wealthy parents who took you and your children in, you remained with your abuser – for life or your death.

-if your husband wasn’t abusive, but “just an alcoholic” you took a menial job, worked all day and then went home and played full time mother. There were few if any day care centers. You did this while wearing the label “bad mother” for not being home with your kids all day.

-the term sexual harassment was nonexistent. If a male made sexual remarks to you at work –that was the price of working. Since most men held positions of authority you had nowhere to turn. I had members of trade associations call me at my house with propositions of sex and even grab me physically in the work place. Had I not had a sympathetic boss – I would have had to either submit or lose my job. My story was not unique and was rather mild in comparison to others. Read the history of the Anita Hill-Clarence Thomas battle.

-there was no term reproductive rights because you had none. If an unmarried college age woman got pregnant she dropped out of school and her life became one of menial jobs to support that child. The man involved went on to complete school, get on with his chosen career and have the family of his choice. There was no “pill” until the “60’s and no right to control your body until 1973.

-if you were unfortunate to get breast or another “female” cancer, you suffered in silence, such things were not spoken of and there were no support groups.

-alcoholic treatment centers were usually for men as women alcoholic or drug addicts were not worthy of organized treatment programs and were too shamed to come forward. Addiction was not lady-like.
-girls could not play organized, competitive sports in schools until 1972 and Title 9.

-want ads were segregated male and female. Male jobs were in advertising, law, science, engineering, etc. Women’s jobs were teaching, secretarial and nursing. Never the twain met.

-women gave up job and careers at marriage. If fact, women didn’t have careers, they had jobs until they grabbed a man, any man to support them. Lucky were the ones who married for love. Many did so out of financial desperation.

-women couldn’t sign for loans, buy cars or make other financial moves without their husband’s signatures. When I started by business in 1986 a banker asked me if I really thought I could “pull it off by yourself.”

-we are all incensed at the absurdly light sentence the California rapist received this week. Until the 1990’s if a woman was brave enough to file a rape case against a man her entire sexual life was fodder for the defense team. Everything she did, every time she may have had one too many drinks, every sexual encounter she had was thrown into the public arena. She was on trial along with the rapist. In addition, she then bore the stigma of “rape victim” which was another term for “what did she do to deserve it.” Watch the fantastic 1974 Elizabeth Montgomery movie “A Case of Rape” to begin to understand what it was like.

-there were no women astronauts. In 1969, nine percent of medical students and 0.4 percent of engineers were women.
Sexually based limitations pervaded everyday life. Girls only played with dolls and took Home Economics. Shop and mechanics were not for them. You became a wife and mother because you had to not because you chose that life. We had a major debate when I was a senior in high school over the idea of girls wearing pants to school. Women only wore dresses and high heels to work no matter the inconvenience.

Progress is not a resolute creature. Read the history of the Islamic world and of the time they were the leaders in science, math and progress. Learn the plight of the women of Afghanistan and Iran who led relatively free lives until recently. Look to those who are trying to make our Founding Father’s religious zealots in order to restrict the rights of woman, gays and minorities, when they were at best deists who believed in the Enlightenment. It can happen here…it is happening here. Do you want to explain to your daughters why you chose to toss away rights gifted your generation at birth?