Author: Joan Porte

Rising Sign Bucket List

$60

Your Rising Sign Bucket List – tells you how to find your authentic self. Our rising sign or ascendant is our personality indicator. It sits on the first house cusp and it along with the planets and asteroids in the first house, tells us who that real you is who is hidden deep inside. Do you need to overcome some fears of public speaking or do you need to take some emotional self-defense courses? Maybe some art classes are in order or perhaps you would do well with some foreign culinary classes. Your rising sign is there to show you how you best project yourself. Don’t end this life without being the best with what you have to work with!


Place of Birth
Date and Time of Birth



Partnership or Marriage Chart

$150

I will never tell you that the person you are about to marry is someone you must run away from – now – unless, that is I find some tendencies towards violence. However, if you are aware of subconscious reasons for why they do some of the things they do – if you learn what makes them tick internally and know in advance how each of you can pull the others strings – it makes for a much easier blending of lives. This also makes a perfect wedding or engagement gift!


Name, Birth Place, Date, Time
Name, Birth Place, Date, Time



Yearly Update Chart

$75 ($70 Birthday Discount)

OK you are on your way in life but who doesn’t need a tune up from time to time? Your birthday, the New Year of any of the Solstices is a great time to get a chart analysis done to determine what are opportune times coming and when you might have to retrench and recharge in the year ahead.


Standard or Birthday
Place of Birth
Date and Time of Birth




Evolutionary Birth Chart with 30 min. Consultation

$150

Who were you in previous lives? How are the subconscious memories of those lives impacting your current existence? Why were you put here for another round of lessons and are you learning what you need to while here? My birth chart analysis takes you from your past lives to your current soul’s desire with an examination of roadblocks and benefits you have received along the way. Each chart is a 50 -60 minute audio interpretation of your birth chart in PLAIN LANGUAGE – no astro mumbo jumbo. Once you have digested the chart analysis – call me, Skype me – whatever and we can go over all of your questions in a private consultation.  What are you waiting for – you can’t take a long journey with a good GPS – let me be your LIFE’S ASTROLOGICAL GPS!


Place of Birth
Date and Time of Birth



Evolutionary Birth Chart

$95

Who were you in previous lives? How are the subconscious memories of those lives impacting your current existence? Why were you put here for another round of lessons and are you learning what you need to while here? My birth chart analysis takes you from your past lives to your current soul’s desire with an examination of roadblocks and benefits you have received along the way. Each chart is a 50 -60 minute audio interpretation of your birth chart in PLAIN LANGUAGE – no astro mumbo jumbo. I even throw in a copy of my “Astrological Notes” to help you with anything that might be a bit unclear. What are you waiting for – you can’t take a long journey with a good GPS – let me be your LIFE’S ASTROLOGICAL GPS!  This is a great and most unique baby gift!


Place of Birth
Date and Time of Birth



Signs of the Tines: The Ultimate Astrological Cookbook (Paperback)

$24.99

A new breed of cookbook that combines personal astrology with a love for preparing and sharing delicious meals. Astrologer and gastronome Joan Porte brings a new, fun twist to cooking by showing anyone who loves to cook how to personalize a menu for your family and friends. Beautiful photographs complement the more than 120 featured recipes organized by zodiac sign. Choose a dish or plan a multi-course meal with selections from: Appetizers, Soups, Pasta, Veggies & Fruit, Meat & Fish, and Dessert for each of the twelve signs. SIGNS OF THE TINES is a heart-warming and mouth-watering invitation to eat in alignment with our stars! — Adam Gainsburg / Soulsign




Videos with Joan the Astrological Cook

Astrological Dinner Party with Joan Porte

Arlington astrologist and businesswoman pens astrological cookbook

Taming Aries the Ram With Mint Pesto

Jupiter Stew with a Dash of Turmeric: Using the Ingress of Jupiter in Cancer to Heal Liver Inflammation

Signs of the Tines Review

August 25 – The New Moon – No More Excuses.

We have a new Moon coming up today. The New Moon is a good time for setting intentions and decide on ways we will manifest those intentions. This New Moon is in Virgo – the worker bee of the zodiac – and the health maven of the zodiac. Think of Virgo as the one who has control over how you feed, work and care for the body. SO – what a great time – as we head into fall – to make the intentions for better health – avoid winter overeating — and better work habits.

Now here is the trick. We now have a very strong – Mars/Saturn conjunction in the very intense sign of Scorpio. Mars and Saturn is one of the true malefic in the zodiac because they bring about the intense force of Mars, the god of war, and Saturn, the cold task master. It is the classic smash up of hot and cold. If I see Mars and Saturn clashing in marriage charts I always have to raise the touchy question of abuse. Think militaristic task master! Yes, this is activating Issus, Ferguson – you name it.

Ah, but you know how I hate to talk about the negatives only and we can use this force for good! IF the tragedy of Ferguson leads to a constructive change in police tactics and the militarization of police forces and finally to some racial understanding – that we can make an evolutionary jump.
If Congress can stop bickering and help the President address Issus and Syria – well, I can hope can’t I?



For each of us personally – think of where you need to be a task master with your health, your body, your eating habits, and your work. Where have you been slacking off? Where do you need to make some hard decisions? Scorpio is the sign of going within and making deep and profound changes. Mars used to the ruler of Scorpio before poor beleaguered Pluto came into our view – as was Saturn long ago.  This is a time to make WONDERFUL changes that you have been avoiding. No excuses anymore.

Here is my Pluto in Capricorn note: I get so many questions about the world falling apart around us and keep having to say Pluto in Capricorn gang – so I decided to add a little periodic Pluto note to my blogs. Pluto in Capricorn brings changes to authority structures. We saw that with President Obama’s election and the subsequent Tea Party backlash. We saw it with the banking system collapse. Now we are seeing it with the police. Change is not always good – I don’t’ think any long term good has come from the banking collapse – we are still destroying the middle class. Will that be the change or will we adopt more populist movements in the upcoming years? That is up to us! 

Uranus Square Pluto Until 2015 – How Can We Forget?

A client recently sent me an email in which she bemoaned the rise of ISIS and the general nonsense in the world. She reminded me of a blog entry I made in April during the dreaded “grand cross” when I said we don’t know what evil is being brewed up now that will come to light in the near future. She asked me could this be ISIS. Yes, of course, it could. However, I don’t want to lose sight of the bigger issue here and that is the blasted Uranus-Pluto square that has been going on since 2012 and will continue until well into 2015.

Uranus is quick electric change – the desire to leap ahead and progress at all costs and Pluto is slow, grinding meticulous change. To say it another way it is radical vs. conservative, slow against fast. No matter how you put it there are two forces that don’t agree clashing up against one another. The last Uranus Pluto Square was in 1933 – 1934. Does anyone remember someone named Hitler – who rose from the German ashes of WW I and promised fast change and a new way? Yeah, it isn’t a pretty time. 

With Pluto now in Capricorn, the sign of government and authority, we are seeing the clashes. The clashes are in the middle East,  in the Ukraine and yes, in Missouri, where people are tired of the old way, tired of feeling marginalized and may jump at any chance to follow any movement, any person who promises a new way – now.

I refuse to predict the gloom and doom repeat of 1933. I hate astrologers who say everything must happen the same way again and again. That is absurd. We are seeing positive government changes here with the rise of the acceptance of LGBT marriages and hopefully the empowering via the voting booth of minorities and women to finally put an end to “fuddy-duddy” politicians. Perhaps out of the anger over more shootings of African American men we can see more people expressing their anger at the voting booth!
The US is in it’s Pluto return – meaning Pluto is back where it was in 1776 when we broke away from England. That is something that always brings great change – we are transforming as a nation – and no matter what people want – we will never go back. By 2040 we will not be a white majority nation no matter what the Tea Party wants. This is adding to the tinderbox. 

The Middle East, the Ukraine? We are talking about centuries of tribal warfare. Will Iraq fall apart? Will ISIS take more control of areas? Will Afghanistan come under the rule of Taliban 2? Well those of us who predicted disastrous outcomes to our intervention in the Iraq kind of always knew falling apart would be a distinct possibility.

The key to remember is to keep your head together during this time and keep YOUR eye on the positive change you want to be and see. The more of us who are aware and remain centered the better we all have to get through this for the most part with positive, albeit painful, change at the end of the square.

Robin Williams – The Two Faces of Pisces Duality and Ultimate Triumph

Ah, another great talent and great humanitarian gone. I don’t know why great talent is hindered by great torment.
His addiction problems are evident to even the most neophyte of astrologers with his Pisces Moon, Neptune in the 12th house. Neptune rules Pisces and vibrates to the 12th house – that is just a lot of Pisces with all of its escapist, addictive tendencies, for one person to handle. Pisces is a sign of duality symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions. It is a tough sign to handle here on Earth.
The great ability to take on so many personas on stage and play so many varied roles is clearly seen in his Pluto Mercury conjunction in the ever “on stage” 10th house. Pluto the change artist and Mercury the communicator together in Leo – the sign of creativity in the house that seeks societal approval was just one key to his talent.
What I find most poignant about his chart is his Pisces North Node. Robin’s past life indicator (his South Node) was Virgo in the 11thhouse – meaning that he came from a life of service in which he sought to perfect himself. In fact, Virgo can be quite the task master, always critical, always demanding perfection to a person. He spent lifetimes managing his social circle (11th house) – keeping them together, doing everything to keep his friends – his tribe – happy and functioning. You know the guy who always plans the birthdays, keeps everyone in touch.
In this lifetime he needed to learn the lessons of Pisces North Node in the 5th house. The 5th is the house of personal creativity and Pisces is an expansive sign. Moving from Virgo to Pisces one must broaden themselves – jump into the bigger world. These are the notes I made when studying this nodal placement. “This person must learn that all the world is a stage and everyone is a player. There is no need to stay in control of his little group but learn that personal, creative expression is the highest path to God. One way they can do this is to reach people with great art.”
For all of his Pisces demons, no one with a heart or brain can doubt that Robin Williams fulfilled his soul’s evolutionary goal in this lifetime and brought joy to millions by doing so. RIP.

Quintessential Leo Chart

I have a theory that people achieve fame in their lives because they have very sharply defined charts. They do not have any wishy-washy planets or aspects. On July 29, 1929, Jacqueline Bouvier was born with one hum-dinger of a pronounced chart.
With her South Node or karmic identifier in Scorpio in the first house she lived many lives addicted to drama, and passion – she saw the barriers of life – emotionally and sexually and insisted that they were there for her to break. Scorpios love living on the edge – and coming into life with this Scorpio memory, she was not interested in settling into a “normal” life.
Scorpio also sat on her first house, the house of personality. (Those dark glasses blocking out the world are a dead giveaway for someone who is trying to keep the prying world out – a very Scorpio trick.) Her life of intensity, life and death drama – and passion started with that South Node and Scorpio first house. In the eighth house, the one ironically linked to Scorpio was her Venus, the planet of love and Pluto, the planet of death and transformation. That she had a karmic relationship with her husband’s and they both ended with dramatic, Scorpio deaths was indicative of this placement. As I said, there was nothing wishy-washy about this chart at all.
Her need for money and security comes from her retrograded Saturn in the second house, the house of money and stability. Anyone with a retrograded Saturn has “daddy issues” – and she adored her wayward, womanizing father and we can say – married him twice. She needed old men with money to fill that retrograde.

With her North Node in Taurus – her goal in this life was to find inner peace and stability that I would argue she did at the end of the life – of course, with the help of her second husband’s millions but she did get there.