astrological chart – Joan Porte

What Would Marilyn Monroe Eat?

Well I read that she loved steak and I believe that from looking at her chart.

Her 6th house, the house of food and the body is opened by Capricorn, the sign of goat. Normally Capricorns like good, hearty food that is no nonsense and no frills. Good old steak would appeal to that. Frankly, with her retrograded Saturn in the 4th house (Saturn rules Capricorn), I could see where she might have enjoyed the steak even more knowing that she couldn’t afford it as a child. The fourth house vibrates to ones home, childhood, roots or mother. Carrying a retrograded Saturn there tells us just how much negative karma she had to carry with her in this life in that area.

Steak too appeals to her Leo rising. It is no wonder she drank only Dom Perignon champagne. That is very Leo because the Lion, the King must have only the best. And while this has nothing to do with food – wow no wonder she had charisma to spare – the ruler of her rising sign, the Sun is up in the 10th house conjuncting with Mercury. Any Sun Mercury conjunction even not holding up the rising sign is charisma – in her case there is a double dose.

The other thing I would have advised her to eat were calming foods – Moon in Aquarius people are high strung and and her ruler of Aquarius is in Pisces – another “jumpy sign.” I wonder if anyone cooked for her nerves – I doubt it.

For more food/astrology information check out my new cookbook, “Signs of the Tines”, www.signsofthetines.com

The Mother of Mother’s Day

The woman responsible for making Mother’s Day and institution never had her own children but started the day as a memorial to her own mother. Anna Jarvis was not only a crusader to recognize the day she later became angry that it became too commercialized. She was reportedly upset with people who gave mom a printed card and candy that they would then share. She thought the gift should be something written from the heart just for your mom. (Boy would she be freaked out now!)

We don’t have Anna’s birth time but know that she was born May 1, 1864 in Webster, West Virginia. Even without the time we know a few things. One her south node, where she was coming from karmicaly was in Taurus so she had the karmic identity of being someone who wanted to around beautiful things and had a creative sense. (No wonder she wanted everyone to write a personal note to mom.) She also had Sun in Taurus.

With her Moon in Pisces, she was compassionate, emotional and carried a bit of a martyr complex. Now I might get in trouble here but with her Chiron, the deep wound, next to her Moon I think she was overcompensating for her own feelings of not being a “perfect daughter.” I could never live up to you mom – never do enough for you mom so I will make my life’s work to show everyone that I really, really did love you.

She also had Mars and Pallas Athena in Pisces – these are the warrior god and goddess – so her cause – her battle is going to be to make everyone back to Mom (whether they want to or not.) She just had a ton of Pisces – that need to sacrifice and wear the emotionalism on her sleeve.

So as you shop for mom, make those florists and restaurants rich, all this Pisces/Taurus wanted was for you write her a note!

Rethinking Jupiter

When I first learned Astrology I was told Jupiter was the best thing under the Sun, pun intended. Oh, where you see Jupiter you see nothing but happy happy joy joy, was the general consensus. Then I started to look at some charts. I have a friend with Jupiter in her sixth house – the house of health. If that theory held she should be a picture of robust health. In reality she is the person who gets the one disease in a million or the one complication that no one ever gets. Then I noticed that when Jupiter was transiting my sixth house I got cold after cold and my one sinus infection per year turned into three that year. What is it with you Jupiter?

As usual the easy explanation is rarely right. Yes, Jupiter is usually a harbinger of good things. However, as with all things Jupiter has a shadow and that is that it makes everything bigger. Someone with too much Jupiter in their chart can be a gambler or terrible risk taker with money because they think they will always be lucky even when the odds are against them. So Jupiter run amuck is not always a wonderful thing.

I have also learned to look for Jupiter as a harbinger of death. Saturn in the 8th – Pluto there as well usually portend death but so can Jupiter – as the spring board of something bigger – a life beyond.

As are all things, planets are not black or white, they are nuanced – even big, robust, loopy Jupiter.

Why Am I In Such An Awful Mood?

I need a little peace!

I consider myself a pretty even-keeled person. I credit this to four cardinal signs on my “anchor houses” (1,4,7,10.) (Ah ha, me thinks me sees another blog entry about those houses on the horizon.)

Anyway, for the past week I have been grumpy and irritable and just plain not happy. This is not a state I would recommend to others or particularly enjoy myself. There had to be a reason for my general grumpiness so I went to my charts. What? You are surprised?

Low and behold there it was. The transiting Moon in Aries was exactly opposite my natal Mars. Think of it Aries, god of war, rules Mars – it is opposing my emotional barometer, the Moon. Hello. Fortunately, that Moon is a quick little sucker and that has gone away. However, when I checked my chart it was the three day high of my grump ride so I could see the Moon-Mars opposition doing it’s thing.

More importantly, and much more longer lasting. Saturn is now transiting my 12th house where my natal Mars lives. When Saturn conjuncts anything it always puts a blanket on it. Saturn holds things together – gives form and structure So big cold Saturn is pressing on my Mars warrior energy -churning. Because they are in the 12th house – the house of connection to the universe but also to things hidden, things not of the world, it shows my irritability when “the world” interrupts my solitude. I want to sit and read and let the cares of the world go by.

Saturn is poky so this will last well into winter. When the Moon comes around again I am sure to feel really crabby but at least I know why!

This is why it is good to get your yearly charts read to see what is coming on the horizon.

Happy Thanksgiving all! Could be worse – I could be a turkey. Oh, and the full Moon is Monday November 22. I will be on train to Vermont with two of my sisters. What a time to be crabby!!

What in the universe is a “house”?

You know sometimes the simplest questions never get asked or answered. We astrologers forget that words and phrases we so often toss around without thinking are not ones that everyone else uses in their every day lexicon! Nothing is more annoying that someone addresses me in “shop talk” so I want to take a few minutes today to get back to fundamentals.

For instance, what is a house? The famous song talks about the Moon being in the 7th house. Where is that house, 7 Moon Lane? A house is nothing more than a 30 degree swath of the sky. Because we live on a relatively circular planet that travels in a relatively circular path around the Sun, we perceive the sky above us as a circle and a circle has 360 degrees. Because there are twelve houses, each house is 30 degrees of the circle. But why twelve houses?

The ancient Sumerians and Babylonians are credited with devising the astrological system we now use in the West although it is entirely possible that some other civilization came up with the whole thing and these guys get the credit because they had a written language. So the Sumerians and Babs could have cribbed the whole system from someone else and just wrote it down. Regardless of the oddities lost in the mists of history, twelve is a very powerful number. It is a number that vibrates to the wisdom of a powerful circle. There were twelve tribes in Israel, twelve disciples followed Jesus, there are twelve months in the year, and our modern clock is divided into two groups of twelve hours. It is considered to be the ancient number of completion as it signals the end of childhood and the beginning stages of adulthood. Additionally, the ancient numbering and measuring systems are based on this number, as evidenced by terms such as a dozen (12), a gross (12 times 12), a shilling (12 pence) and a foot (12 inches). So 12 was a number of power, wisdom and a power circle – makes sense they would use it for the zodiac as well. Therefore, the zodiac pie is divided into 12 equal 30 degree pieces.

We anchor that pie in the sky, if you will, with the Eastern and Western horizons. The Eastern horizon is the point where the 1st house begins and then the circle moves in a counter clockwise direction down to the second house and up and around again so that the 12th house borders the first.

Each house influences a part of our life but more on that later. I will spend some time on each house in the next few months.

Happy 4th all — of July not house…although the 4th house vibrates to home, hearth and patriotism!

ARIES IN THE HOT SEAT

Ok so I heard from some of my Pisces rising friends when I detailed the saga of poor Pisces being stuck on the first house. Whine Whine Whine J So I will now show you that every sign has a house which makes it feel less than comfortable if you will. Today I will risk the wrath of Mars and explore what happens to Aries when it is placed in the house of OOKEY SPOOKY…. The house in which Pisces feels totally at home I might add…. That is, the 12th house.

“What?” (Thunder clapping in the background.) “Twelfth house again? I WON”T. I hate it. No way. I hate all that karmic crap all that touchy feely connection to past lives and connecting to the god source baloney. NO NO NO NO – hear me NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” “Oh, you ARE the god source? Oh, I didn’t mean baloney – you know when I get mad… I sometimes…..OK OK don’t get all huffy, already.”

Aries stomps off. There has to be a way out of this. After all, Aries is the warrior, a cardinal leadership sign. It can change and shape things to it’s will. Yeah, I will get someone else to do this. What better mark than Pisces. He looks to his right and sees Pisces happily communing with the universe in the 12th house.

“Oh Pisces my fishy friend. How are you today?” His voice is dripping with just enough untypical honey that Pisces incredible intuition kicks in. “Ah, fine Aries – fine. It is a beautiful day in the cosmos but what do you want.”

Aries is taken aback. Pisces isn’t quite the pushover she seems. Darn. “Oh nothing. Just a teeny weenie favor. You love being here in the 12th house and I just don’t get it. You know the compassion, the peace the joy of all as one – I gotta move, I gotta conquer I have to butt my ram head against great obstacles. Can you please – because you are such a compassionate creature – take my turn on the 12th house? Pretty please with butter?”

Pisces rolls her tail. Oh come on. “Thank you for the compliment but you know the 12th house with all that karmic connection might just be good for you. Actions have results – and you need to slow down and see your results once in awhile.”

Slow down? Slow down? This fish is bonkers. However, Pisces is starring right into Aries soul with her deep, penetrating eyes with such intensity that the warrior loses his nerve for a second. Recovering he huffs, “I have no time for THIS. I have things to do.” Pisces smiles peacefully knowing the lesson will be learned someday and swims off.

“Ouch, who the he….”

“Sorry Aries.” It is Sagittarius quickly pulling his arrow out of Aries back side. “ I just got a new quiver and oh geez that is going to leave a mark.”

“Think nothing of it friend,” grumbles Aries through clenched teeth. “But quid pro quo perhaps you can pay for pain with a little favor.”

“Sure I am all about universal justice and understanding.”

“Great, then take my turn on the twelfth house.”

“Now?”

“Now.”

“Ok sure but I promised the Unbonko people that I would sit in on a native tribal ceremony of unity and peace and well I guess I could be late. Hey, why don’t you come with me? It is a wonderful ceremony where everyone sits around and talks about how to bring justice and truth to the world in their every day actions and then there is dancing and then we eat native meals and then.”

“STOP – please you can’t be serious!”

Sag looks blankly at Aries who is pretty much jumped out of his armor at this point.

“You hurt me with your flipping arrow – you owe me now do it.”

“Oh now Aries I do appreciate you speaking the truth because I love truth – I am truth – truth is king tome -0 next to brotherhood…although it is a toss up brother hood – truth – truth brotherhood…..”

“Forget it. Not worth it!” Aries stomps off.

“Don’t even think about it ram!” Aries hasn’t even gotten to the front door of Scorpio’s dark, watery home yet.

“Huh?”

“You heard me. With my fantastic ability to cut through the crap I know exactly what kind of trick you are trying to pull so vamoose..”

Now that is spooky. Scorp is usually freaky but this time she beat even her record at perception. Aries walks off but keeps looking over his shoulder in fear and amazement.

“Oh Libra Libra Libra…my friend the balancing scales.” How are you? Eek, how do you stay on top this large medicine ball all day?”

“It improves my balance and balance is what I seek all the time. I bring people together, I see both sides of their issues ….”

“Issues, issues yes issues – I have one. I need someone to take my spot on the twelfth house and you can help lead people to examine their connection to the universe and balance their beliefs. A natural – I say a total natural at the job.” (This diplomacy makes Aries a little nauseous or maybe it is just the balancing on this stupid ball. Whatever, he has to close the deal on make another conquest…fast.)

“Well yes I would be good – I never know…but if you say I am good well then I must be. I always take the other person’s word for things. I always see myself through others.”

“Yeah it is call co-dependent city.”

Aries went to far. Libra’s eyes fill with tears. “I don’t mean too. I just always think of the other… Is that so bad? “ Aries tries to make the situation right but Libra is so upset he falls off and breaks his arm.

“Darn now you won’t be able to do this for me… I mean, oh you are hurt – poor thing.”

“That is ok, I will get friends to help me – friendship is so important. It makes us see other’s issues and balance them against our own feelings. It is all about the other…”

Libra is still babbling as he is being carted off. Aries is getting desperate and bored. No one has a shorter attention span or faster temper. The other signs are too powerful to conquer – Aries favorite way of doing things and this diplomacy is wearing him down. He walks into a huge garden in search of Earthy Virgo. She is fixing an organic poultice for Libra.

“Did you hear about poor Libra. Some fool knocked her off his scales. Who would do such a thing.”

Aries looks wide eyed an innocent. He can do it with some effort.

“Good thing I have worked all morning in the garden and I have several herbs ready that will heal him. They have to be applied quickly so have to dash off. Sorry Aries, but can we talk later? Come back around 3 and I will have organic breads and teas ready for us and we can have a nice long chant. That is until I have to organize the house again.”

“Um Ok I will try to do that – sounds grand. Yikes what is that?” Few things frighten Aries – well actually Aries doesn’t let on that anything scares him but being the baby of the zodiac he is frighten a lot and just uses his bluster to cover it. But the roar of Leo the Lion sends shivers into his military boots.

“Who dares approach the king of the jungle!”

“It is just me Leo – nice land you have hear.”

“Of course.” That is right – flattery gets you everywhere with Leo.

“Oh mighty and glorious one. Lovely hair day you are having.”

“I always do silly boy.”

“Yes of course. Oh royal one – might I ask a teeny favor of you?”

“Yeah right.”

“Well, I need someone to take over my twelfth house spot and you your royal one – will shine a light so brightly on the universe that the person will have no choice but to see how it is one with Man.”

“Of course I will. But it is not my turn and I never do anything I don’t have to. So be gone.”

“But”

“I said BEGONE.” Leo knows Aries is all armor little guts really and the roaring routine will work like a charm.

Aries heart is sinking and his mood doesn’t brighten when he reaches Cancers door. The door is normally hard to open because Cancer the crab retreats so deeply into her shell but today it is swung wide and Cancer is swimming out her arms full of baked goods and blankets.

“Did you hear did you heat?” Cancers home made bonnet is slipping she is in such a hurry. “Libra has broken her arm. I have to apply all my motherly qualities , all my nurturing and caring to get him better. Oh dear and so close to the 4th of July – you know how patriotic I am – oh and I love a parade. How can I get this done and make all my peach pies in time? Well. It will have to be done. Aries perhaps you can help me out and use your sword to cut up the peaches.”

“MY sword full of peach crap – are you out of your &&&*W** mind?” But Cancer is too far gone to hear the ranting.

“WHOA slow down with those words, Aries.” It is Gemini, the twins, the sign of duality, quickness of though and communications. “I am a wordsmith but some of those are a bit much. What is it with that temper guy?”

“OH sorry Gemini but I am having the worst freaking day.”

“YOU? I had to listen to a two hour speech by Sarah Palin.” Sitting for two hours is hard enough but what that woman does to a sentence shouldn’t happen to a buzzard. Oye. “

“Ok well if you go an take my turn on the twelfth you can have some karmic peace for a while it will help you recover.”

“No sorry twelfth house is too stable for me – I have just been sitting for 2 hours! I have to move, move, move – BYE.”

He has one chance left- Taurus the Bull. Nothing moves Taurus if Taurus doesn’t want to be moved.”

“Yes I have heard. Gemini is such a loud lout he woke me from my nap.”

“Then you will do it.. You can sleep in the peace of the cosmos on the twelfth.”

“Yes but I will have to move to get there. And I just started a new painting with my tail and ….”

“Forget it! I can’t stand it anymore. Nothing can be worse than trying to reason with you boobs. I have had it! “””

And so Aries stomped off to be on the twelfth house of some soul just being born and made darn sure they came face to face with their spiritual questions and destiny or else!

Full Moon Baby

My niece had her second child last week and yes, I am one of those wacky astrologers who tracks the chart and see how it moves and what the possibilities are as labor progresses. Those of you who read “In the Lion’s Den” where I chronicled my life among Leo rising people, will be amused to learn that the new baby is Leo rising! Come to think of it, my niece is also Leo rising. Lions, lions all around!

The baby has another astrological distinction in that she was born during the Full Moon. We consider the Moon “full” when it appears totally lit and totally round and we can see it as clearly as we ever can. This is because it is the furthest from the Sun and is out of the grasp of the it’s rays. The Moon is always “full” we just can’t see it when the sunlight is normally hogging a lot of the space. On a chart, we can always spot someone born under the full Moon because the glyphs for the Sun and Moon are on opposite ends of the chart – they are 180 degrees from one another.

I was amazed when, years ago, I worked for an engineering group and learned that many nuclear power plants add extra security during the full Moon. These button down science types acknowledge that something happens to some people during that time. How astrological of them! Of course, we are all aware of the term “full Moon madness.” Since the Moon controls our emotional energy, people with high strung Moon placements do feel the difference when the she is at her most powerful.

What does this mean for people born under the full Moon? While I am certain that my little great niece will not turn into a werewolf, she will have a hard time connecting her emotions. Expressing her emotions, understanding them, feeling and channeling them will all be hurdles for her to conquer. And during those times when the Moon goes “full” every month, if it is a constellation that activates her Natal Moon, she is going to be a bit off kilter for a day or so.

Fortunately, by making her parents aware of this they will be able to guide her over the rough spots. That is one of the most wonderful aspects of doing baby charts. Because they are road maps, they show parents what they are in for! Seriously, you don’t start a journey without a map, why start a life?

Baby charts make excellent gifts!

Trapped in the Lion’s Den

You know that old adage, “the shoemaker’s child has no shoes?” Well sometimes the astrologer doesn’t use astrology!

Once a month three friends of mine meet for Saturday breakfast to discuss books of a spiritual or metaphysical nature. It is a great social and educational activity which we have been at for almost two years. The members of the little group are M, a beautiful Libra Sun – Leo rising healer who I would highly recommend to any of you interested in any form of energy work; C, a warm and wonderful Taurus Sun – Leo rising business and personal coach and D, a fascinating and fantastic double Gemini (Sun and rising) who is also an amazing coach. (Anyone looking to further their professional or personal goals needs to see these two. They do wondrous things!)

This month I brought another friend into the group. K is a very spiritual, deep and compassionate facilitator (and yes I would more than highly recommend her too.) She makes a great contribution to the group. However, as I sat around the breakfast table last Saturday I suddenly got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. K is an Aquarius Sun but Leo rising. That makes three out of five people who are, in essence, Leos! Oh what was I thinking? To make my situation more dire, I was without D – my other rising air sign. D had some housing problems and couldn’t join us. It was just me, poor defenseless Scorpio Sun, Libra rising, against three lions!

Remember, your sun sign is inner force what makes you tick inside. For instance, my Scorpio Sun gives me a desire to get to the core of mysteries; it makes me basically secretive and private (no really.) It is a person’s rising sign, the sign on the Eastern horizon at birth, also called the ascendant that gives us the persona we project to the world. Sun is inner – ascendant is outer.

Leo is ruled by the Sun and vibrates to the 5th house, the house of creativity and the projection of creativity. Leo’s gravitate to the spotlight; they feel comfortable in the warmth and light of the Sun. In meetings past it was never uncommon for our two Leo rising ladies to spontaneously burst into song during breakfast. D and I, the two air sign rising people just sit back and thoroughly enjoy the show provided by our 5th house friends.

Because the rising sign is our persona, it often dictates how we physically look. You can always spot a Leo the Lion by their manes! I remember one meeting, C arrived with her hair looking as stunning as always but she ran into the bathroom, pulled out her dryer and curling iron and proceeded to work on it until it met with her satisfaction. Now I am thinking, geez, I don’t take a hair dryer to Europe no less down the street for breakfast. My entire line of hair “product” consists of a bottle of Vo5 shampoo which is on sale at CVS this week for $.77 a bottle. I got three bottles, thank you very much. My hair styling ritual consists of wash, towel dry; take three fingers plump the hair for 20 seconds or until boredom sets in, which usually wins, and walk out the door. Libra – air sign – hair flies in the air. Leo the Lion, mane must obey.

So I go around the table. Next to me is M, coifed to the core. Across the table C sits. Can I find one hair our of place? I would have a better chance finding a sane person in Congress. And there next to her sits our newest lion, K, her stunning mane pulled back and perfectly framing her face. Note to self: maybe I should find my brush one of these days.

Someone mentions Aquarius and the alleged “Age Of” and that is all it takes for the lions to revert to the 70s and begin to sing “The Dawning of the Age of Aquarius.” Ok, this is good. I like lion serenades. Then someone says the dreaded words. “Let’s dance.” Dance! Dance! I am air and water (and with a heavy amount of water as I have a Pisces Moon.) Dance! I have not one Earth sign in my chart. I fall down while asleep in bed. However, they are off. M finds her CD of “Hair” and now there are three dancing lions and one Libra rising wishing for her Gemini rising friend to come to her aid.

Ok now here is the battle the Sun and ascendant often play out in our bodies. Scorpio Sun is saying you can’t join in they would know the extent of your klutziness – another secret revealed. Libra rising is saying you are a natural leader* and you can’t lead in dancing so you can’t do it. One of the most overlooked explanations for the bizarreness of human nature is the conflict between Sun and rising signs. If someone is rather contradictory, if their actions can’t be understood easily, check those two signs. If they are vastly divergent, particularly if the Moon is in a contrasting sign, that person is going to be difficult to pin down and often won’t understand what makes them tick.

What made me think it was a good idea to put three lions together? They are dancing around the living room! So I grab my blackberry and text my AWOL Gemini rising compatriot saying basically forget your house, come rescue me!

Seriously, it was a wonderful time and K is a great addition to our group. I just have to pay more attention to those rising signs so we Air signs don’t get burned in the fire!

*Libra is one of the cardinal Signs. There are fixed, mutable and cardinal signs. Fixed gives someone tenacity, mutable more amenable to change and melding and cardinal likes to lead. Mutables are Gemini, Virgo, Pisces and Sagittarius. Fixed are Taurus, Leo, Capricorn and Scorpio. Cardinals are Aries, Libra, Cancer and Aquarius

Pisces Rising, A Saga

So I am going along having a perfectly normal week – doing the charts – being the astrologer, when I enter a person’s birth data into my trusty computer and it comes up showing that they have PISCES RISING. Oh, this is never good. Who forces poor Pisces to be a rising sign in a person’s chart? It just seems so mean.

Pisces embodies the energy of what Jung called the collective unconscious. Pisces is the great spiritual ocean of energy from which all emerges. It is all about spirituality, brotherhood and union with the god source. To put it in charge of the ascendant, the rising sign which is a person’s projected persona – how they interact with the physical world — is just mean. Pisces doesn’t want to face the cruel realities of life on Earth any more than Dick Cheney wants to face cruel reality of what he did to this country for eight years. But I digress.

I can just see it now. Pisces gets the call that she once again is on the rotation to be a rising sign. “Oh no not again. I hate it there. Put me on the 12th house – come on, twelfth house, first house, they are right next to each other. I like the twelfth house. I am happy there… please. No? Dang. Now what do I do?”

Looking to her right, Pisces sees a warrior in a suit of armor cleaning his guns. “Psst Aries, hey Aries. Are you listening? Aries, switch with me. I have to be on this kid’s first house – that is your house. It is a natural for you. I will work my connections so you don’t have a lot of aspects getting in your way, you can get out there and make this kid a dynamo.”

“Yeah but what is in it for me?”

“The satisfaction of doing good and helping a neighbor. Aries pauses for a moment trying to absorb that concept, gives up and goes back to his guns.

“Pisces, stop wimping out. Do your duty. In the name of Mars, Man up.”

“But I am a feminine sign.”

“You never heard of Margaret Thatcher? Besides, I have better things to do. I am the first of the Cardinal and first of the fire signs. I am off to blaze a new trail. Go bother Taurus she never leaves the field but she might do you a favor she is a pretty good egg and far less selfish than I.”

“Hey Taurus. Oh you lovely bull sitting in your pretty pasture. Taurus, can you do me a favor? Taurus. Do you hear me? I am talking to you Taurus.”

Taurus slowly flips her tail at an annoying bee disturbing her sleep. “Is someone calling me? Oh isn’t the sky pretty today?”

“It is me, Pisces. You know who wants to put me on some kid’s first house again. I will just mess it up – making them all confused and overwhelmed with the complexities of life. You don’t seem to be doing anything, how about helping me out?”

“Not doing anything? I am enjoying the beauty that is all around my comfortable pasture. Oh it is time for another nap.”

“Taurus, Taur….argh” Pisces wanders away from the pasture and is immediately distracted by a whirlwind of activity. Being distracted is easy for Pisces and it takes a few minutes to figure out what is in front of her. “Oh it’s Gemini, my fellow sign of duality, Gemini. How about doing me a little tiny favor?

“What? No wait I am not talking to you.” Gemini grabs his blackberry and starts texting madly while switching to the phone on his other ear. “Yes, yes of course I am listening.” With his big toe Gemini taps out another message on his computer and with a free hand grabs for his I Pad. Pisces tries to get a word in but becomes momentarily mesmerized and then horrified by Gemini’s ability to carry on a third conversation now with the use of his Bluetooth and dashes away seeking comfort.

“Cancer, oh sorry I will use your more politically correct name, Moon Child. How good to see you and oh I smell banana bread and can I climb up on the big overstuffed chair? Yes, I would love a cup of chamomile tea, thank you. Your place is always so calming and boy do I need it. Oh, you already heard? Gemini told you what I needed? But how did he …..I know, I know, he grabs the thoughts right out of your head! Will you help me out?”

Moon Child spreads a comforter over Pisces tired shoulders. “Well now dear I would love to help you out but part of mothering and nurturing is forcing your children to face life’s responsibilities.”

“But that is just it. I don’t like life’s responsibilities. They make me so tired I just want to jump back into the ocean of unconsciousness where I can float along in peace and contemplate gods and goddesses and the universe and all of those big nebulous issues. I am a fish – life on Earth isn’t natural to me.”

“I am sorry dear but you will have to do this on your own. You will thank me some day. Have a nice healthy meal and a long rest before you continue. What is your favorite lullaby?”

The next morning Pisces sadly leaves Moon Child and swims off in the direction of Leo. “This will never work,” she muttered to herself. However, she is desperate and braces herself for the bright sunlight that always shines on Leo the Lion. “Ah, Leo, I mean your majesty, your royaltyness – your holiness. Um Leo, can you please, can I beg you to ….I need a favor of your royal selfness.”

“Is there someone there? Ah my good fish, can that you fetch that mirror in the corner?”

“Ah Ok but you have 12 surrounding you now.”

“Yes, what a paltry sum! No, not that one – the big one with the lights. It is so dark in here.”

Pisces drags over the 12 foot mirror as she tries to not be blinded by the lights shining on the Lion. “Your royalty I need a favor please, a small one indeed for such a wondrous being.”

“I think I am getting a wrinkle. No!”

“Um, hi I am over here. Remember me? Pisces. Can you please do one little….”

“That hair is 1000 of a centimeter out of place. I knew it!”

The light is giving Pisces a terrific headache and Leo is now rifling through his collection of hair brushes oblivious to any other living creature in the area, so Pisces moves on, her tail becoming lower in the process.

“STOP. Your fins are dirty.”

“Hi Virgo. No, I took a long bubble bath at Moon Child’s.”

“The moment that you step out of the tub your fins get dirty. Everything gets dirty. Everything is always out of place. Order. Why can’t people keep things in order? What do you want Pisces? I have to organize stacks of paper and make a plan for my spring planting.”

“Virgo, you are so perfect to be a rising sign. Someone with you there will be efficient and effective and do all of those things Earth people need to do. You make sure they eat right and take care of themselves.”

“Well, yes I guess I am. OK I think I have a small opening in my calendar for next November.”

“No, I am up really soon. Can’t you squeeze me in? You can handle one more little detail.”

“That will throw off everything. I will have redo my ten year calendar, and that will force me to finish my taxes at 11:59 PM on January 1 not 11:00 PM as is my norm. No, no that is too disorganized for me. And then my spring planting which must take place at noon on May 15 would be kicked to three or four – oh no oh no…..”

“OK Ok, fine, don’t get yourself in a tizzy, really.”

Pisces is starting to swim in circles now. She does that when she gets overwhelmed. The only thing that pulls her out of her vortex is what looks like a shiny teeter tooter in the distance. “Bounce, bounce, up and down I bounce, bounce I love to bounce back and forth.”

“Libra, it has been so long, how are you?”

“Bounce…bounce….OH Pisces is that you? I am still swinging back and forth on my scales, weighing every issue seeing every side and always trying to bring those sides into harmony. It is a tough job but it is fun – especially for an Air sign – up and down bounce, bounce.”

“I need this favor….”

“Favor? Oh yes, I love to help people – do you need reconciliation with your spouse?”

“Not really.”

“Oh do you need me to work out a problem with your business partner?”

“Nope.”

“Whatever it is I have to help. I love to help…bounce…..bounce. Helping people is my thing. Because if I help then people like me, and people have to like me. I love, love to be liked. Approval is my thing….bounce….bounce.”

“Good then can you take over as a rising sign. You will give that person Venus beauty and a love for all things pretty.”

“Yes but that will take me away from my ….bounce….bounce…..bounce – scales….and I can’t leave them – bounce….bounce…bounce. Oh dear now you are going to hate me…bounce… bounce……..please don’t hate me – I hate when people hate me. Let me fix….bounce…..bounce….bounce…something anything for you. Please……bounce…”

Pisces is getting desperate. She has just a few more signs to go but even she, the fish, is getting seasick here. It is this fear that gives her the courage to visit her fellow water sign, Scorpio, in her deep, exotic cave. Pisces likes being back in the water but can’t figure out how Scorpio can stand all of this darkness.

“Shut the door, you are letting the light in!” The voice is sultry and deep.

“I am? Ouch.”

“Be careful can’t you see my antique ottoman?”

“As a matter of fact…..”

“What can I do for you Pisces?”

“Well I need someone to take my place as a rising sign. You represent water better than anyone and you will give the kid intensity, inquisitiveness and a sexual passion that would serve them well.”

“Yes, that is a given of course but I am just about to solve a mystery that I have been working on for years and then I have to finish watching the Sherlock Holmes marathon on PBS while I ‘entertain’ some gentlemen callers.”

“But hey water sign – to water sign. I will discuss of mysteries of the universe with you for hours if you will just do me this favor.”

“My fixed mind is made up! NO. Besides you discuss mysteries while I solve them.”

“But…”

“NO. Shut the door tightly on the way out. I see a crack of light.”

Pisces is at the edge of her rope. “I hate all of this conniving. I just want to go swim in the cosmic soup – I am part of the cosmic soup – I am the cosmic soup for goodness sakes. Why do I have to come down to Earth? I am so tired. I am so confused – I am so torn in so many directions.”

“Tallyho!”

“Oh Lord Neptune what now?”

“It is I, Sagittarius out shooting my arrow at truth, justice and the universal way.”

“Okey dokey. Um hey Sag. How about running this up the shaft, can you take over as a rising sign for me? You will bring compassion and justice and honesty to the kid and I have to admit I do love your ability to root out BS at one hundred yards.”

“Yes I would and you know I never lie. I always speak the truth. I seek the truth and speak the truth. But I am far too busy to be tied down to a rising sign right now. I have to explore all the various cultures and religions and find my own set of beliefs.”

“Can you multitask it? Gemini is a pro at that.”

“Gemini, air sign – pfffh. I am Fire, I have a duty, and I must search and learn.”

“Hey, watch where you shoot that arrow! And you are a wishy mutable sign like me – you can change your mind. Come on.”

Sagittarius is already racing away. “Sorry. I have yet to see Eastern Bezerkistan. I have to see every corner of the Earth. Maybe when I get back. Look me up before I am off to Guam in the fall. Come splunking with me one day!”

Pisces sees a tall mountain in front of her. Mountains and fish don’t get along – (another thing she hates about Earth.) However, she realizes she has just two shots left to find a replacement so up she goes into the high abode of Capricorn the shore footed Goat. This really grinds Pisces because in reality Capricorn is a Sea Goat…so what the heck is she doing hiding out in the mountains playing the role society expects of her? Another reason Pisces hates being on Earth.

“Ouch” – walking on these rocky roads is not on Pisces list of fun things to do.

“I am late.”

“Excuse me, Capricorn?”

“I am always late. We are always late. Nothing and no one is ever on time.”

“Time is a ridiculous construct. Where I live there is no time.”

“No time! What holds you together? What gives your existence form and structure?”

“Nothing. It is the great cosmic ocean of awareness.”

“Sounds dreadful. What can I do you Pisces? I have a stack of papers to grade and a thousand time sheets to correct.”

“Yes, I know Capricorn you have a lot of work to do keeping societies structures in place but I need a favor. You are so good at keeping people’s nose to the grindstone; at making them do what they need to succeed in life…you should be like the universal rising sign for everyone.”

“Yes, it would be a much more structured world and I would excel at it. After all I do excel in excelling but I have no time. I am late.”

“Time is useless.”

“Blasphemer!”

“Try it without time for once.”

“Be gone with you heretic!” With that the goat stomps her hoof and the fish is tossed off the mountain onto a passing cloud.

“This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius…Age of….” The music is deafening and as her head clears she sees a tall bearded man, with long flowing hair and a longer robe dancing around a large jug of water.

“Aquarius, how are you?”

“Pisces Que Pasa?”

“Oh it is a long story. Hey Aquarius, answer me something, how can you be the water bearer and an air sign at the same time? “

“Don’t get hung up with definitions. I am what I am – I am new I am different. I am the rebel – the revolutionary who turns your world upside down in a minute. There is nothing normal about me.”

“You know it really isn’t the Age of Aquarius.”

“Yeah but the royalties got me this great cloud where I can play with my cool electronic games, and contemplate all the ways I can influence the future.

“Place looks small.”

“Who needs riches dudette? I took most of the money and set up a universal homeless shelter. It is all about compassion for the downtrodden.” So how it is hanging, fishie? You look a little beat up yourself.”

“Not well, I need someone to be a rising sign and with your compassion and quick mind you will make a contribution to a person.’

“Oh sorry no can do Mi Amiga. I am working with that Apple fellow to come up a computer the size of a pea that will have every app. any human could need. The hard part is making him promise to give all the proceeds to orphanages. How about a cocktail – organic of course?”

As much as Pisces loves alcohol (and I do mean loves) she has had it. Pisces is resigned – a normal state for her– and trudges off to be the rising sign. “OK but I am going to screw it up. This kid is going to be confused and distracted, overwhelmed and just wondering what the heck she is doing here on Earth for most of her life. And I will have to fight not to make her susceptible to drugs, alcohol and gambling. But hey I tried, I never succeed but I try.” With that Pisces sat down dejected and sad, dreaming of the day she can once again return to her cosmic ocean of peace.

The Dark Moon May 10 – 13

The Dark Moon also called Lilith is astronomically the three days before the New Moon appears. The Moon, of course, cycles around us and appears with different “faces”, the full Moon, half Moon, quarter Moons. A new Moon is when it lies directly in the path between Earth and Sun, and appears to us to be in conjunction with the Sun. However, the three days before the Moon goes “new” every month it disappears totally from our view. To the ancients, it was a dark, mysterious time. Unfortunately, over the years as we moved from matriarchal religions to more male dominated religions, the dark and mysterious Moon has become demonized. It became the symbol of the “bad girl” and the baddest of them all is Lilith.

First mentioned in Sumerian mythology about 3000 years ago, Lilith was seen in Hebrew stories as the first wife of Adam. She was not too happy with the plan that she should submit to Adam and be that happy helper stuff that Eve fell for so she said “bye bye Adam” and went off to make her own way in the world. So forevermore, she was called the bad girl – the fallen woman – of the Hebrew Bible. Because the Moon has always been associated with the feminine the dark Moon, the time of mystery and secrecy eventually bore the name of Lilith.

Astrologically, the time of the dark Moon is the time when we should get in touch with the hidden side, with the side we hide from society because it is not acceptable. This is the time we need to assess why we keep the side hidden and why we dance to the rules of society.

Where Lilith is on your astrological chart indicates the area where we will often have a spiritual crises because we are hiding a part of our true self so as not to risk disapproval. Is it in Aries? Well, where is your fear of charting new courses? Gemini? Well, always seeking the unusual in travel is fun but are you running away from something? Scorpio Lilith brings passion and pushes us to be free of sexual inhibitions.

So use those dark days to see what you have kept hidden from yourself for fear of repercussions and assess if that is still working for you.